Let’s face it: end-of-life decisions are tough, and they often come sooner than we expect. In a society that’s aging faster than we realize, finding yourself in the position of making these calls for a loved one can feel like stepping into a storm without an umbrella. A recent story shared by Maggie Schneider Huston in Newsweek sheds light on how challenging it can be to get it right—even with the best intentions and the right documents in hand. Today, I’ll take you through Maggie’s experience and offer some practical steps so you and your family can be better prepared.
What’s an Advance Directive Anyway?
An advance directive is a legal document where you lay out your wishes for medical care if you’re ever in a position where you can’t make those decisions yourself. Think of it as your voice when you can’t speak. It often designates a person you trust to ensure those wishes are respected. But as we’ll see in Maggie’s story, having the document is just the first step—you’ve also got to make sure the right people know about it and are prepared to fight for your wishes.
Maggie's Story: The Importance of Advocacy
Maggie’s story starts in 2023, just after her mother passed away. Her dad, Terry, wanted to make sure he was fully prepared for a heart surgery he was scheduled to have a few months later. He updated his will and created an advance directive that clearly stated he didn’t want machines keeping him alive; he just wanted to be comfortable in his final moments. Maggie and her siblings were fully on board with his wishes and even gave a copy of his advance directive to one of his doctors before the surgery.
But here's the kicker: After Terry’s surgery, his health took a turn for the worse, and despite his advance directive, his doctors argued that he could live with the help of machines. Terry, lying in his hospital bed, repeatedly asked for hospice care, insisting that this wasn’t how he wanted to live. And yet, his doctors didn’t order hospice care for him right away.
It wasn’t until Maggie and her siblings read Terry’s advance directive to the doctors (over and over again) that they finally relented and honored his wishes. Terry passed away shortly after, surrounded by his loved ones, but not without a long and frustrating battle to make sure his voice was heard.
Advocacy: More Than Just a Buzzword
Maggie’s story makes one thing crystal clear: Advocacy matters. It’s not just about filling out the paperwork and hoping for the best—it’s about being ready to stand up and say, “This is what my loved one wanted.” So if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, here’s how you can be the best advocate for your family member:
Ask Questions Like Your Loved One’s Life Depends on It (Because It Does): Don’t be shy about speaking up. If you’re not sure what’s happening, ask until you understand. Medical jargon is intimidating, but your loved one’s wishes come first.
Double-Check and Then Check Again: Make sure every member of the medical team has read the advance directive. Never assume that one person will pass the information along to the others.
Don’t Be Afraid to Make Noise: If you feel like your loved one’s wishes are being ignored, escalate the issue to hospital administration or patient advocacy groups. You are not just a visitor—you’re an integral part of your loved one’s care.
Document Everything: Keep a journal of every conversation with the healthcare providers. Note who said what and when. This is your safety net if you need to push back later.
Get the Nurses on Your Side: Nurses are with patients more than anyone else in the hospital. Building a good relationship with them can make a huge difference in advocating for your loved one.
Bring in Reinforcements if Needed: Whether it’s a patient advocate, a social worker, or even a lawyer, don’t hesitate to bring in outside help if you think your loved one’s rights are being overlooked.
Look After Yourself: Advocacy is exhausting. Don’t forget to take breaks, eat well, and rest when you can. You’ll need your strength to be the best advocate possible.
Preventing Heartache: Planning for the Future
Now, how do you make sure your family doesn’t end up in Maggie’s shoes? Let’s talk about some proactive steps:
Create a Comprehensive Life & Legacy Plan: This isn’t just about an advance directive—it’s about making sure your wishes are known, understood, and ready to be executed when the time comes. When you work with me, we’ll make sure you have a plan that spells out exactly what you want and appoints the right people to fight for your wishes if necessary.
Communicate Openly with Your Family: Start the conversation now. Talk about your end-of-life preferences, even if it feels a little awkward at first. Make sure your family knows what you want, and address any concerns or disagreements ahead of time.
Review and Update Regularly: Life changes, and so do your wishes. We’ll review your Life & Legacy Plan regularly to make sure it always reflects your current situation. This isn’t a “set it and forget it” kind of deal; it’s a living document that evolves with you.
Making the Last Days Count
End-of-life care isn’t just about how we die—it’s about how we live those final moments. It’s about making sure you’re surrounded by love, comfort, and dignity, aligned with your values. By planning ahead, you’re not just protecting yourself; you’re also giving your loved ones the greatest gift—a clear path during a challenging time.
How We Can Help You Navigate End-of-Life Care
At my firm, we take these conversations to heart because we know how much they matter. As your dedicated legal advisor, I’ll help you create a Life & Legacy Plan that ensures your wishes are respected, your loved ones are empowered to advocate for you, and your care aligns with your values when it counts the most.
Don’t leave these critical decisions to chance. Let’s work together to create a plan that truly works when you and your loved ones need it most.
Schedule your complimentary 15-minute consultation to learn how we can help you plan ahead for end-of-life care: [Click here to get started].
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